Social Factors Affecting Sex

Sex, we are taught on one hand is shameful taboo & secretive, and yet on the other hand it is used heavily in advertising and celebrated as “sex sells”.

It’s a really confusing narrative.

This blurs the line when it comes to how much you should be honest and open about. Do you wait for someone else to say something first? Will I be laughed at? What is appropriate? Who lays down those boundaries? Is there some bits you share in conversations with friends as they appear more socially normal/glamourous, and other bits you worry aren’t ‘normal’.

The pressure for heterosexual women – comes from years of “good girls don’t talk about sex”, lie back and do your duty etc. But although we have done away with these lines, the underlying social scripts within society are still apparent. Religious influence and a variety of conservative male led initiatives, rules and laws throughout history saw women locked up for being horny – claimed hysteria, having children out of wedlock, all wombs and bodies controlled.

This isn’t to say that heterosexual women have been the only ones to suffer here. Differences in LBGTQ+ relationships tend more fluid but can be pigeon holed by societies stereotypes and expectations . Men equally are expected to take a certain role in sexual relationships because of the narrow view of what is acceptable and the pressures of ‘normal’!

And then there is the subject of race, the impact of colonisation and religion. How we sexualise ethnic minorities differently.

So much of the social history in our society contributes to why sex is such an awkward, subject today. Society’s view of sex is often secretive and dirty or confusingly passionate and glamorised.

Social factors often influence what we see as good sex. Creating social scripts.

The heteronormative script often dictates that a man and a woman should enter a monogamous relationship, leading to marriage, children and a decline in sexual activity with age. The pressure of this social norm means many people follow this process like a tick box exercise, accepting it as what should be done and perhaps not listening to their internal wants and needs. Accepting a decline in sex as normal, and therefore not feeling right to work on sex as an important element of the relationship.

Peer pressure often thought of as a teenage issue yet affects us even as adults.

Conversations about sex may lead to how often others have it, who’s the most adventurous and positions etc. This can then be focussed on by some individuals with this ‘keeping up with the Jones’s’ mentality rather than improving the connection and orgasmic flow improving their individual experiences. 

Porn is often the first port of call for those looking to discover more about sex and what is ‘normal’. It may not necessarily be what was sort out originally, but often many use porn as a form of sex education rather than more positive and educated outlets. Because porn saturates the online world and as it is so easily accessible it often skews the view of normal sex, normal bodies and what people should be doing for both their own and their partner’s sexual enjoyment. When watching porn sensibly the viewer should understand that it is a performance and is predominantly focused on male enjoyment.

Film and media, like porn, give a perception that sexual arousal and readiness is instantaneous. How often do we see in films clothes being torn off leading immediately to penetrative sex without any sexual engagement prior or build-up of emotional anticipation?

An individual’s body image permeated by upbringing, education and media, is frequently a concern for many, affecting sex. Undressing in front of someone, being in positions that are not every day making yourself vulnerable is a naked or semi naked state is something that many may not be confident with which could contribute to sexual performance, anxiety surrounding it or how you have sex. Lights off, under covers, only certain positions etc. 

Oral sex is a prime example of this vulnerability being up close and personal and all on show with nowhere to hide. If there is a body image concern here it is hard to enjoy the sexual encounter taking place or even enter that engagement.

Education is a huge contributor to improving awareness of these social factors and how they permeate sex lives.

Being open and honest about sex and having safe spaces where questions can be asked. Explaining to all how sexual engagement is pleasurable not just for making babies, not just what is done in a heterosexual marriage. 

With education in place in better forms sexual problems would not be demonised like they are currently by the social factors surrounding sex. We could help society understand that sexual activity is for mutual pleasure and rebalance the inequality.

All the above shows us the importance of Sex Re-Education.

By unpicking and re-educating ourselves throughout our different life stages we begin to breakdown and better understand our sexual preferences, grow more sex positive and have better sexual relationships with both ourselves and others. You are re-educating yourself already, just by reading things like this, entering into these conversations, following me and others on social media. By seeing influences for what they are and how they have formed us we can remove shame and destigmatize sex.

This is just an overview to get you thinking more deeply into the layers of social factors that influence your view on sex. I really hope you have found it useful - food for thought.

For more on how social scripts can affect sex I would suggest you check out Dr Karen Gurneys book Mind the Gap. Detailing the pleasure gap between men and women and what has caused that. Or also Ruby Rare’s Book - Sex Ed is also a great inclusive read to help us breakdown our shame in terms subconscious learnt sex education.