Sex & Pregnancy
Sex & pregnancy go hand in hand - if traditional sex education is anything to go by. There cannot be one without the other….or so we are told. This is just the beginning of the social messages we absorb when it comes to sex, sexuality and pregnancy. Society feeds us a variety of narratives from what is the acceptable body for sex, to what is the acceptable sexual behaviour of mother, and the highly anticipated postpartum return to sexual activity!
Getting Pregnant
A sperm and an egg. That’s all it takes to make a baby! One stray swimmer in some pre-cum and WHAM you are ‘up the duff’. The fear that is put into teenagers. The explanation that this must be avoided as pregnancy is the end of life as you know it!
Immediately sex = pregnancy. That is how all biological sex education starts. Penis - into vagina - sperm, egg….BABY……F*%K! When in reality, everyone’s journey to conception is so different:
Those trying to conceive for some time, may find sex was once sensual, intimate, pleasurable - is now purely perfunctory.
Hormonal treatments may have altered sexual interest or pleasure.
Insemination may have occurred without a penis in the room, sometimes even alone.
And then if pregnancy becomes a reality….sex, changes.
Sex in Pregnancy
Sex is safe to have when pregnant, unless you have been told otherwise by a medical professional. Partners however, may be cautious or feel uncomfortable having sex with you. I often hear people say ‘will I poke the baby’ or ‘can it grab me’. Remember sex is any form of intimate sexual play that brings pleasure. This can be performed partnered or solo and with people or toys etc. (Sex toys are safe to use when pregnant - make sure you wash them after use - just the same as when not pregnant!) But sex in pregnancy can mean a whole variety of experiences - you may find you come across all of these in one pregnancy or just some, maybe perhaps none at all….
Hormone changes can make some have little sexual interest whereas others, calling partners up and organising lunchtime rendezvous - such is the desire! And this can vary in the same person from trimester to trimester.
Those who have suffered baby loss may be anxious. Worried any touch or disruption will have catastrophic consequences.
Some suffering with sickness, tiredness, nausea, may struggle to feel both physically and psychologically receptible to sexual intimacy.
Some suffer bleeding from sexual activity, others discomfort. Speak to a medical professional if you find this. I would always recommend you consult with your midwife. If they advise you can continue to have sex explore ways that are more comfortable. Sex should be pleasurable for all.
Your body changes, sexual activity then must change with it. Positions may change. Explore what works for you both.
It is absolutely ok for you to not be into sex when pregnant. Your body belongs to you. Do what is comfortable and feels right for you. If you start, that never means that you have to continue or finish. Communicate effectively with any partners to ensure consent, and a honest approach to your physical intimacy. Look for other ways you can explore your connection. Remember sex should be fun…for all involved!
Sex & Labour
Some may have heard that sex is beneficial for bringing on labour. There are many theories that orgasms help start contractions. Or sperm helping soften the cervix etc. But as far as I am aware none of these are proven. Although if you are sick of waiting….maybe worth a try…at least its a little more enjoyable then scoffing pineapple and curry!!!
If your waters have broken however, sex should be avoided to prevent infection!
Orgasmic birth is something many are now trying. Masturbation, clitoral stimulation, orgasms. This pleasure all causes the release of endorphins that could then in turn help your tolerance of pain. I have recommended masturbation for period cramps before - so labour would be just a step on from this perhaps. It is even suggested that the oxytocin produced by sexual pleasure helps with bonding so could help parent and newborn bond as well as aid lactation!
Perhaps a good idea to warn the midwife though if your looking to this method of pain relief!
Sex Postpartum
I have done a post previously on sex after childbirth (see below). No matter your experience of childbirth; good, bad, painful, easy, magical, difficult, surgical etc. The 6 week check up and sign off - does not mean you have to jump right back into the saddle. - of course that is you unless want to! Take your time. rediscover your body, and adjust to your new life chapter.
Always wait until all postpartum bleeding had finished to help prevent infection. Also consider your contraception options.
Society often shows us two juxtaposed ideals of sex as a woman. Innocent or Provocative. We have this idea of what sexual behaviour a parent - especially a mother - should be! For many it defines our sexual identity. Do not let it. Begin to see and recognise where society is impacting your sexual pleasure. Sex as a parent can be just as enjoyable as sex before children. If not more so. We have learnt more about our body and cherish moments of pleasure between the moments of chaos.
