Desire

Couples often suggest that the only problem with their sex life is that one wants it more than the other. Lack of desire or sex drive is cited as the issue. However, when unpicked, it is not necessarily a lack of desire for sex but the circumstances that are not right for sexual enjoyment. These could be environmental, physical or psychological as we touched on in Pleasure blog. Anxieties can also often be at play. Lifestyle, self care, hygiene – there are really all manner of issues that could be relevant to improve desire.

An imbalance in optimum conditions for sexual pleasure in any of these areas is not necessarily an issue. Communication and recognition about what these conditions are is important.

Our sex drive or desire for sex isn’t necessarily an in built natural thing. It is often just accepted as the way we are, but instead our sex drive is usually influenced by a collection learnt behaviours, anxieties and expectations for sexual encounters. Sometimes, to start, you just need to help change the sexual cycle you may find your relationship in.

Why not try….

To improve sex lives is not to go from one extreme to another. If looking to ‘spice things up’, this can be done easily by changing just one thing about your standard sexual encounters each time.

This could be for example:
Lighting candles for a more sensual light and smell.
Having sex with the covers off for a more visual/exposed experience.
Changing the room you usually have sex in.
Taking penetrative sex off the table - with pressure for this removed more elements of sexual enjoyment can be discovered.

Keep an eye out for #changeonething on our social media.