Embarrassment

Talking about sex is hard for many people. It goes against what we are taught is normal polite conversation.

Embarrassment is a common learnt reaction to the subject of sex.

You may have seen it in your parents when you asked questions about sex as a child. In the hesitation or uncertainty of their answers or perhaps they shut down any subject matter of that nature. Maybe you are a parent, and you are uncomfortable when your child first discovers that their genitals feel nice to touch.

You could find you are struggling with a sexual problem or are unsure about some sexual information as you are too embarrassed to ask anyone about it. This embarrassment hinders us all sexually.

And it is time to normalise the conversation.

Embarrassment & Shame

In the first sex education lesson I gave to school pupils (whilst still at university over 12 years ago) I found myself answering questions from 14-year-old girls about sex with quite dated answers. I had gone to empower them with a whole range of information, and instead fell into a trap. When I stood to speak, rather than discuss sex from a sex positive mindset, I found myself repeating messages I had been given by the sex education I had received at their age. Telling them what could happen if you had sex from only a negative perspective (pregnancy, STIs, peer pressure), rather than celebrating that they may want to have sex and it could be both enjoyable and safe. This was not because I was a shy public speaker or nervous even. But because of the subconscious shame that accompanies celebrating with young people that they can enjoy sex regardless of their age, marital status or sexuality, and that it is not naughty or derogatory.

This showed me how it was harder to unlearn years of societal norms and expectations than use the degree I was studying specialising in sex and society.
Western society is rooted in religious beliefs. Whether you are religious or not Christianity has impacted on how our society views sex and relationships. These are heavily weighted towards expected monogamous heterosexual norms dominated by men - marriage, ‘virginity’, monogamy, sexuality.

These narratives carry an element of shame often focussing on women their enjoyment of sex. It’s important to remember embarrassment about sex can be felt by all. Often because of the narratives discussed, it is felt by women who are judged if they enjoy sex, masturbate or have multiple sexual partners. But embarrassment about sex is also be felt by men too, if inexperienced or lack of knowledge just for example.

Regardless of gender, sexuality or age. Talking about sex is embarrassing.
But it is time to kick that embarrassment to the curb.

To do this we need to start talking. Using this platform, as well as social media I hope to help start the change.

Sex can be fun. Empowering. Enjoyable. And talked about without having a full internal cringe.

Let’s talk about sex!